My, how much has changed in four years. I still don't believe in God. But the factor of belief or disbelief has grown fainter with time. Less important. I stress about it less. Sometime in 2019 I realized I'd rather imagine God as someone who loves everyone, or at least doesn't pointlessly punish people. Or, put another way, no God of mine would push people away because of ancient precepts. And coming in contact with people on the un-privileged side of things really helped me understand how much of religion is not about your faith, but in the faith of others in you. What kind of God rejects LBTQ+ people who want to be practicing Jews? What kind of messed-up Judaism is it where congregants refuse to give men who are known to be gay, aliyot? Burn it up and start over, for the trappings of religion are too far gone. To wear a kippah is a statement, a statement that yes, I do stress about often. Because I still wear one, everywhere. It is my Star of David on a necklace. For h
It's one thing to make a pronouncement, another to practice what you preach, and so only today did I finally sit down to read in my prescribed manner. I finished Chapter 1 and began chapter 2, where William James discusses how he will define religion, namely: the feelings, acts, and experiences of individual men in their solitude, so far as they apprehend themselves to stand in relation to whatever they may consider the divine. He leaves out theology, and argues for religion as a somber, un-sneering, not laughing or satirical, approach to what a person believes is true. At least I think so, not having finished the chapter. P.S. I used to be embarrassed to show my left arm in public, after praying just quickly enough to cover the basic blessings and the Shema, thinking that the lightness of the imprint of leather in my arm exposed my lackadaisical attitude to prayer and subsequently religion. But by this standard, reading William James is sufficient devotion.